Love. Oh love. Love. Lurve Luv, l-o-v-e. It’s pretty odd isn’t it how we crave for this four letter word..What is even more odd is that we seek high and low for people to say this word to, instead of learning this rush of emotions. I mean how do you know it is love if every time someone made your heart beat twice as fast, you claim that you are in love? You claim that this time it’s different, you know it is and you know for a fact you have said this exact line not to long ago. But then again, what could I possibly know? After all, it is subjective. My definition of love and your definition of love could be from alternate universe.
Is it defining that you are only mine and I am only yours? The morning texts and what are you up tos with basically the same replies? The curfews you put on your “other half” to show that “you care”? Just so you could change your relationship status on Facebook and post cute happy photos on Instagram? Go to the most beautiful places in the world, taking tremendous of photos just so you could put it up? Not actually acknowledging the beauty right in front of your eyes. I want to understand. I want to understand. Help me understand.
These days, I notice myself being terrified of learning people. I mean what’s the point really. It’s usually the same thing isn’t it? The past few months have consisted of me asking myself questions, constantly. It comes to a point where I felt so alone, that we are super subjective that how is it possible to find someone who was just like me? You meet people, you meet people that tell you they understand, but little did we realize, that their understanding and their perspective could be different, could even be slightly different from yours. Doesn’t it bother you? That you are your own self. It scared me for a while; I’ve never felt so alone.
I became spiteful of new people. After all, it was like a repetitive pattern. They ask you the ritual questions. Where you live, what are you going to do, what’s your dreams and then it starts to become a compatibility test. What’s your favourite music, your favourite movie. You hear answers but deep down, you wish to hear YOUR answer, names that you are familiar with, like an anchor point to connect you to this person with similarities, that if he or she said something that you knew, or liked, then this person could be your soul mate. This is it, this is the one. It’s amazing how in spite of all the failed relationships or close to relationships or dates or people you come across with, you still seek for someone who is just like you. We want something different but we never change.