Monday, December 21, 2015


The first relationship was Young, Wild N Proud.

I was fifteen, naive and just a little kid. Being in a relationship with someone you have never been friends with before seemed like a pretty good idea at the time. The fact how we both lived in different worlds got me intrigued. Getting on bikes, karaoke, going to football matches, I was new to this. I was at the curious phase, in fact we both were. You would constantly get into arguments with your mum just so you could fit my lifestyle. We both were naive. I remember walking under the night sky, with your arms wrapped around me, we were both singing rock and roll 90s love songs on the top of our lungs and everything seemed perfect.

My second relationship was You and Me Against The World.

I was seventeen and I fell for the boy I have never known my whole life. You knew me back when I was a dorky ass  at USJ 4 school, always sleep inside the class and you would annoy me to the fullest because you got a lot of friends who always reported to you of what I'm doing in the class. Luckily we're not in the same school. But I saw in your eyes everything was a game to you back then. I would watch my friends fall for you and you would brag to me how good of a player you were. "Don't hate the player, hate the game" But you fell for me, hard. Dating you was different, in so many levels. You knew every part of me, the little things. We would isolate ourselves from everyone, because all I needed was you. I would fall asleep on your shoulder every time we were dating in  7 months straight to songs we often heard in the day, we would drive around the city, looking at massive bungalows and imagine how our future would be. We would neglect our priorities, the things we promised we would prioritize before we dated, just so we could spend a little more time together. I remember giving it another shot and I remember how you still gave me the butterflies. In fact, you always will.

My third relationship was Forever and Always.

The boy I screwed up all my relationships for. The boy I dated in 2008. And 2009. And now 2015. 2015 still the same. I would mess up every relationship I was in because you seemed so intriguing. Maybe it was how your eyes would light up whenever you look at me, or that loop sided mischievous smile of yours or how I can never resist a good boy. You were rebellious and that sure seemed exciting as hell back then. You seems very serious, but then im the one who would never commit. I started fell for you in October '15 but now, things changed. I can't even begin to explain how fucked up the relationship we had. You wanted me all to yourself and things in my past bothered you because of the sole fact that you were insecure. But I believed in forever and always, I believed in wanting to make things work because few years ago, I did feel something but with the wrong guy. And for the first time in all my relationships, I tried and I gave my all. You changed me, in so many ways. Trust me Mohd Saiful Zil Ikram.

But I was young. We all were.